Friday, 3 May 2013

May

Awww its already May, fuck demmit. May gonna be suck. Disaster! So here's my situation, on 5 May ada concerto Andrea Bocelli and yeah, i wont be able to go since the ticket price... its fucking expensive wehhh! But to bo honest, i really really want to go, ni first time dia datang mesia hamagawd im crying hamagawd! So, all i can do on this 5 May is, sit in the corner of my room, crying and eating and crying and eating and crying and sobbing and screaming and asdfghjkl while listening to all Andrea Bocelli's song. 

For the first time in my entire life, i hate May. Gawd seriously, fucking hate May tahun ni pfft. On 8 May, new student, which is lower six akan start daftar masuk and bla bla bla thats mean... another disaster. Well i dont know why, dont ask me the reason why I hate it. 

Another reason why May tahun ni gonna be suck is... i got big exam STPM Semester 2. Well im kinda fucked up since i dont know dapat score pointer 3.0 ke atas or not. I think dia start on 20 something i dont remember. 

Today, tomorrow and the rest of the month, yeah im pretty sure, fucking sure, its gonna be a disaster and suck and fuck and damn and asdfghjkl. 

I’m no stranger to the ”my life sucks” period.  I’d drag myself out of bed sometime after noon, play video games for hours, online and surfing internet for another hours, maybe hang out drinking with friends or hang out all alone, like i always did, stay up late, go for a long walk thinking about how much my life sucked, crash feeling depressed, and repeat.  For months I kept doing the same thing over and over.  And life kept right on sucking.  My emotions kept telling me, “Damn this sucks!”  That whole period of my life is one giant blur. 

What if i hate my life?  Or maybe i don’t quite hate it, but im just not happy with my current situation?  Perhaps im kinda depressed, bored, or apathetic.  Or maybe i just don’t see the point in living at all.

If you think your life is out of your control, it’s because you’ve chosen to relinquish the controls.  What happens when you let go of the controls of a vehicle in motion, such as a car you’re driving?  Its behavior is unpredictable.  It may spin around in circles… or get stuck somewhere… or even crash.  Isn’t that precisely what happens to us when we abandon responsibility for living our lives? Well thats me. My life kinda spin around in circles… and get stuck in the middle of nowhere… and even crash. Broken, scattered into a thousand pieces. And im tired of my life.