Saturday, 26 November 2011

Nothing Works for Me

Nothing Works for Me!
(Richard Lederer)

My first job was working in an orange juice factory but I couldn’t concentrate and got canned.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack but I just couldn’t hack it so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job, de-pleting and de-pressing.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was super exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber but I just couldn’t cut it.
So then I became a hairdresser but the job was just too cut and dried.
I sold Origami but the business folded.
I attempted to be a deli worker but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
I studied a long time to become a doctor but I didn’t have any patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried my best but I just didn’t fit in.
I became a Velcro salesman but couldn’t stick with it.
I was a professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.
I became a baker but I couldn’t make enough dough.
I tried being a fireman but I got burned out.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company but the work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I just wasn’t up to it.
So then I got a job in a gym but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but found the work shocking and revolting so they discharged me.
I got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
I became a transplant surgeon but my heart just wasn’t in it.
I became a tennis pro but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high strung.
I tried being a teacher but I soon loss my principal, my faculties and my class.
I tried being a farmer but I wasn’t outstanding in my field.
Then I was a pilot but I didn’t have the right altitude.
I worked at Starbucks but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
So I retired and I found I’m a perfect fit for this job!